hasley's windows

Send them packing

2012-02-29T11:12:00.005-08:00

FH has been reading blog posts. Funny: when they're married to you, they pay no attention whatsoever. You can fly to the moon for a month and no one notices. As soon as you send them packing, they're sniffing about, true pests, clocking moves, asking about your schedule, your business. It's like living in some small mountainous village in the Old Country, but instead of ancient ladies in black taking note, you've got a middle-age man fueld by fury. Oy. This of course, only feeds my hunger to travel and get away with my two gorgeous children. We need change - yes, bigger change than a divorce can bring about. Maybe it's the weather, the gray, the suburbs, which never, ever rocked my world. I'm doing the footwork as they say - the gym, the nice house, friends, good diet, good books, and have even started dating. But I think what I really need is unrushed time with the kids on the road just ... being. A girlfriend said I should be happy about the date invites. She wants to remarry ASAP. I can't imagine a worse fate: wasted too much time worrying about FH to spend another second worrying about another guy, other than my sons. So I let them get dinner, amuse me, make me laugh, and if I feel like it, give them a kiss and send them packing. It's better that way right now. Another friend - remarried after 6 years of divorce -- said she used to go dancing. She'd get just enough touch and flirt but could leave. If a cowboy was cute, she gave him a kiss--then waved good-bye.

Perfect.

details

2011-12-21T18:51:00.000-08:00

For anyone getting divorced, get an anal-retentive lawyer. You'd be amazed at how sloppy they are: case in point. I bought FH out, and refinanced. Bank cut check for unused escrow to both of us. Now, we don't have a joint account. Check can't be cashed unless he agrees to write a letter. Which he won't, because you know, he can mess with my life, so he will. A careful lawyer (not mine, clearly) would have had this taken care of before I signed off on a new mortgage. Which in itself is liberating and terrifying. Think it's the two small children living under my roof that I'm responsible for that makes it scary. I mean, if I lost the house, it's just me. But W and T...whole 'nother ball of wax.

So, after asking nicely if FH would write letter so I can cash the check and get much-needed funds to, oh, buy groceries, and after his nasty refusal I am left to consider options. Lawyers are expensive, and sloppy. Getting enraged only makes FH happy and me nuts. So I've decided to eat the money. Just not cash the damn thing. He won't get any, neither will I. I'd prefer to give it to a charity, but again, I'd need his signature. So in the scheme of things, I'm left thinking I'll light a cozy fire in teh fireplace and burn the damn thing. I'm just too fed up.

I think this is the "angry" part of post-divorce. They say it gets better. We find happiness. Even love. Possibly. But not tonight. Still, I didn't get furious. I stayed calm. Perhaps this is worth something -- even that darn check.

Feeling sexy? Not so much.

2011-11-29T12:17:00.000-08:00

So, yes. I filed for divorce. And no, I don't want Former Husband (FH) back, but I'll own up to it: I'm hurting. And sulking. And trying to stop. Unsuccessfully.

And no, it's not attractive.

FH is having a glorious time with 21-year-old Former Babysitter (FB), who is just one of the many reasons I filed. (I'm a bit French about indiscretion but after a handful of flings, it's ridiculous.) He's wasted no time informing me of his dates, his nights away, his art gallery- opening soirees. And I am home with my gorgeous sons reading them Harry Potter, making dinner, doing laundry, packing tomorrow's lunches . . . being a working single mom. Who yes, happens to be old enough to be FB's mother and it boils down to this:

How do you get back in the groove as a woman?

Especially with Prince Charming's instant messages (I mean, do I need the blow-by-blow date commentary?) I know, I know. It's fresh. Time heals. There's a world of I-don't-know-what out there. But I'm skeptical. And really, all I really want to do is dance. Dance and laugh and flirt. Just for a night, so I can remember what it's like to feel like a woman.

Not on top, but back

2011-11-09T18:37:00.000-08:00

So it's been a year and in a nutshell, not the best. In fact, has all the makings of a really bad country-western tune: husband got drunk and arrested. Then ran off with 21-year-old babysitter, next day I had to put my sweet dog to sleep (and miss her more),so i filed for divorce, and four is now three (me, two sons). So...determined to grow the humor, grow the courage, but sometimes it's hard. This is where I will turn. With virtually no followers, it's safe.

So, where do you start when a boozy, cheatin' husband leaves? You pull out a sledge hammer and start busting down walls and rebuilding your life -- literally. That means redesigning the kitchen. Well, who knew how hard it is to handle a kitchen. Yeah, cabinets are basically lots of Lego blocks but then you need to put them together. Finding inspiration in blogs, and have called my best friend Clare - an amazing, award-winning kitchen designer from Savannah - who is flying into Connecticut this weekend like the cavalry to figure it out, talk to contractors, and do her thing with measuring tapes and budgets and spreadsheets and Home Depot-lingo. Wish us luck!

Red suede shoes

2010-10-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

These came from a vintage clothing store I wandered in a few weeks ago. I wasn't really in a buying mode, but there they were, red, suede peep-toe Bettye Muller pumps, to die for. Made in Italy. My size! Needless to say, had to have them.

I know. I know. Second-hand shoes? Trust me, these are the shoes Cinderella's fairy godmother would have put her in if the ball was held in the fall. They're more an amber red. like fall leaves in sunshine than candy-apple red, which is so obvious. Anyway, I woke up this morning full of tears -- my niece is sick and hurting herself, my mom's depressed, my marriage is ... well ... as Eleanore Roosevelt said, "Cry in the bathroom, come out smiling, dear." So I was all set to wear boots - black like my mood - but then I saw The Shoes. I put them on, all the awful news be damned, I started to smile. They're defiant and strong and sexy and grown up, all the things I wish my sweet niece (and so many countless of other women I know) would feel. My advice? The world can be brutal, so get yourself some really great shoes and kick up your heels.

Travel

2010-09-23T05:49:00.000-07:00

Longing to travel today. Actually, it seems like I'm always longing to travel so should probably just do it. The usual excuses: bills, children, job, no freedom. I'm reading a book now in which the author said that she put off going back to Italy for 20 years for those same excuses. Then one day she traded in her miles, packed her bag, and went. It's really that simple, I suppose. Do you put off dreams or are you good about just going for it?

Second Grade Mafia

2010-09-17T05:44:00.000-07:00

The other day my son asked me if second grade was the hardest one of all. "When you're in it," I told him. "It will seem easy to you in a few years, just like kindergarten seems easy to you now."
But some things don't get easier. Like rejection. And hurt.

I'm not sure how it works in your schools, but at my little elementary school, there's a cabal (really, that's not an exaggeration) of women who run the show. Now, I'm all for those super-loyal volunteers who make things happen. We've all seen them: at church, school, Cub Scouts, you name it. Usually, there's a dedicated core of individuals who work tirelessly so the rest of us who are either too disorganized, too busy,too lazy, whatever, can enjoy the fruits of their labor. I'm not talking about this kind of selfless dedication. I'm talking about women who literally shoved my sweet friend aside when she tried to sign up to be a "room captain" for our second grade.

Quite possibly, we need a change of language. I mean, who doesn't want to be a captain? Or a chief? Apparently, not this small group of women who left off my friend's name from the list of class reps, berated her for speaking up -- oh so tentatively-- about possibly sharing responsibility for organizing class parties, who told her that because she worked it was inconvenient to work with her as a volunteer.

Now, I realize in the great panoply of human drama, internecine fighting at an elementary school may seem, well ludicrous, laughable, possibly pathetic. My friend is not this. She's a five-foot-tall (in heels) pistol who runs at 5 a.m. before the rest of the world is up, runs her own company, devotes herself to her three kids, and is in love with and supportive of her husband. She drives hours every week to take care of a father with Parkinson's and have lunch with her mother. She's not perfect. But she's funny and wise. She has grace in the true sense of the word. It's not about her fashion or style, it's her compassion for the world. Her humor. She truly never complains. But I have seen her cry when she sees someone picked on. So, I am mad. Truly stinking mad at how this friend has been treated. This isn't about cupcakes. It's about bullying that's become all-too-pervasive today. If she, and any other parent, want to get involved, to participate in class parties -- to be a part of their children's daily lives, because God knows time does whiz by too quickly -- then who is a group to shove her aside? And I wonder, what will all of our children learn by this? We tell them to share, to take turns, to work cooperatively. then we stick a big, ol' asterisk on this. Those rules, we note, don't apply for grown-ups.

So, I'm venting today. To my friend: I love you. Be strong. You are needed. To the others: Shame on you. May you remember the lessons you learned in kindergarten. Because second grade shouldn't be the hardest year of all.

Reel Boobs

2010-07-30T07:01:00.000-07:00

Just saw I am Love the other day, and I fell in love with Tilda Swinton's incredibily chic, elegant costumes. But I was most startled when she took off those same threads because her boobs were...real! It was so pre-1990s plastic surgery. Bravo!

Billboard v. BP (oil)

2010-07-30T06:54:00.000-07:00

Like hundreds of other readers who saw this incredible picture from the Sartorialist I was immediately charmed. Her legs (strong, sexy), confidence (ditto), style (ditto again) are fabulous. What better model/spokesperson for going green? Seriously. I began riding my bike to work once a week after I saw the devastating photos of the BP oil spill this summer and the comments I got ("You're kidding!" "Won't you get hurt in traffic?") astounded me. I mean, what's the big deal. Apparently, riding a bike (NYC, Paris, Amerstdam not included) is still so strange to Americans. So...Scott, let's get your amazing photo up on billboards, film screens, in magazines, etc. etc. urging everyone to bike like this young lady!

So it's 2010...

2010-01-05T10:56:00.000-08:00

Five days into the New Year so I'm off to a somewhat delayed start. I think it's good.
Want to take the pressure off myself this year to rush, rush, rush and get it all done, right now, without a mistake. This year will be about mistakes, and being ok with that. Letting people close to me make their own. Letting. Go. Not sure if this is wisdom or fatigue, but I think a more Bohemian approach to life will be good. In the meantime, treating myself with this and other incredibly lovely photos of Paris in the snow taken by Alix over at The Cherry Blossom Girl.

the september issue

2009-09-21T10:32:00.000-07:00

raced to see the september issue this weekend and adored it! didn't expect the amazing grace coddington, vogue's creative director who dazzles with her genius eye and creativity. she left me breathless!

monsieur chagall, meet chavuet

2009-09-17T05:49:00.000-07:00

last night, at my mother's urging (and we know moms are always right), i went to a lecture by dr. jean clottes, a charming, erudite frenchman who's an expert in rock art. no, not art for rock n' roll, but prehistoric drawings found in the caves at chauvet. they are the earliest known cave paintings and date back an estimated 32,000 years ago. looking at the slides during the lecture, i couldn't help thinking of marc chagall's drawings. they are so similar (and sophisticated), yet chagall couldn't have seen the chauvet drawings, because they weren't discovered until 1994. wow!

craving...

2009-09-15T10:53:00.001-07:00

this, my friends, is why i'd never cut it at fashion week (and why i get up at 5:30 to run). others dream of true love, untold riches, trips to paris...i dream of chocolate, strawberries, croissants--and true love in paris.

monet's water lillies

2009-09-14T11:29:00.000-07:00

this can never do justice to monet's breathtaking, large-as-life canvases ("les nympheas") that hang at the musee de'orangerie in paris. (when i saw then during my visit to paris in may, they literally moved me to tears.) so, how thrilled i was to read that the musuem of modern art in new york just opened a smaller, gem of a show of waterlillies, including this large one. well, when i heard that, i raced into nyc to see them with my sweet friend clare. if you're ever in manhattan or paris (even better) go see these.

blue nail polish, really?

2009-09-11T07:27:00.000-07:00

all right you glamoristas, i've been reading that blue nail polish is the new deep purple, which is to say the new black, the new de rigeur. i admit it: i'm on the fence on this one. the ladies i see sporting blue polish are all under 12. or 18-year-old models in fashion mags (looking divine). then again, if you're an 18-year-old model you can wear gardening gloves and a tutu and look amazing. would you/will you/are you wearing blue this season? if not, what's the color you're sporting this fall?

the most perfect (and easy) dessert

2009-09-10T12:26:00.000-07:00

about a year ago a friend made the most delicious peach cake and gave me the recipe. i finally gave it a try over the weekend, and am so glad i did! it's the most perfect cake.

1 1/2 sticks butter
1 1/2 cups sugar
3 eggs
1 1/2 cups flour
pinch salt
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp vanilla or grated lemon rind
some canned peaches, sugar and cinnamon

put butter and sugar into a food processor and mix for 1-2 minutes. add eggs and process 1 minute. add flour, salt , baking powder and vanilla, and process until well mixed. Pour batter into spring form pan. place canned peach slices on top (they will sink into batter, but that's fine. you can also substitute apricots). Sprinkle with sugar and cinnamon. Bake at 350 degrees for about an hour (when toothpick comes out clean, the cake's done). great for dessert, but even better for breakfast with a cup of coffee. (and how bad can the day be if it begins with cake?)

grammar, anyone?

2009-09-10T05:42:00.001-07:00

not the most riveting topic to many, i realize, but i need to vent. last night i attended my first open house at my son's new school, and during her classroom welcome speech, his teacher kept mixing up good v. well. (the worst: "it worked out good.") with each slip up, i felt my heart break a little more. as parents, we hope our children will be well served at school. we want them to be equipped with the kind of education necessary to open doors and attain dreams. most of this comes from home, i realize, but when a first-grade teacher doesn't know the difference between an adverb and an adjective, it's crushing. i have heard how "good" our school district is in our fancy connecticut suburb, but i wonder if it's a case of the emperor's new clothes: do others notice? if so, are they too scared or reticent to speak up? i don't want to be the angry, difficult mom, but i want to know my child is not listening to "that worked out good" all day long. (another peeve: "how are you?" "good.") i feel guilty i can't afford to give my sons a better education at the local private school ($29,000 a year). would you say something to the teacher? the principal? thanks for listening...next post will be cheerful. promise!

robert's tomato

2009-09-08T05:40:00.000-07:00

this summer my husband succumbed to the ad pitches for hanging tomato plants after he heard they would produce a guaranteed 22 pounds of tomatoes. he hung the plant in a sunny patch, watered it, did a little dance to the tomato gods, and dreamed of BLTs, caprese salads, and home-made pasta sauce but...this is the first, and ONLY, tomato the hanging plant has given us. on the bright side, it was delicious!

weekend plans

2009-09-03T09:49:00.000-07:00

this stunning blue bike with its profusion of flowers makes me want to take a long end-of-summer bike ride this weekend. what are your plans?

fall beginnings

2009-09-01T05:52:00.001-07:00

in less than 48 hours my oldest son will board a school bus for the first time and head off to elementary school. this is a mind-blowing quantum leap because i was nursing him and changing diapers just last week. still, this traditional ride into fall brings opportunity for fresh beginnings: new backpacks, scribble-free notebooks, an updated list of personal goals, some new clothes. as much as i want time to slow down, i love the seasons' insistent reminders (fall leaves, spring shoots) that years pass and we'd better get on with the business at hand: sharpen those pencils. learn to cook that great autumn meal you once tried a fancy restaurant. wear a new sweater. hop on the bus. and embrace the ones you love -- and the next adventure.

garter belts

2009-08-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

cheesy, soft-porn shot aside, i've been wondering about garter belts lately. when i was in paris, my tres chic friend whose been living there told me about the little shop where she buys lingerie and pretty underthings, which are, of course, a MUST in france. garters, too, apparently. i agree that stockings are awful, oppressive. just consider the language: crotch control/control top. who thinks of that? phyllis schlafly? but garters? liberation, mesdames! then the other day, i saw these in the shop window at vicki's secret. (somehow not quite as nice, or as liberating, as the ones in paris.) neverthless, i'm hooked. have spent two days channeling my inner french woman -- elegant, mature, worldly, sizzing hot, not tarty -- so i'm mentally ready to actually buy some. am i nuts? do you ladies wear them? i mean really wear them, in the daytime, under suits, not just at night when you're showing off for someone special. and if so: how to pull off smoldering chic, not trashy? would toting around dog-earned copies of colette and sartre help? if any french women are out there, spill the beans. i gotta know.

window of the day

2009-08-27T12:20:00.000-07:00

love the pots hanging in front of the window. they remind me of notes on a scale.

dreaming about...

2009-08-25T08:01:00.000-07:00

this vacation house in tuscany that's for rent by the week. five bedrooms, pool, and close to siena, florence and monteriggioni, which i don't know but sounds deee-vine! rental also can include cooking lessons! oh my!

mantle inspiration

2009-08-24T06:05:00.000-07:00

one more for today...love, love, love the photos over the mantle! the lavendar-white walls rock, too.

what's love? questions from a 10-year-old

2009-08-24T05:45:00.001-07:00

my friend kim took her son, whose about 10, to see the movie A.I. , and he asked her if robots could be programmed to feel love. it got her thinking about love: is it unconditional and should it be? is forgiveness part of love? how much do you forgive; is there a line? is its opposite indifference? these are such great questions! what do you think?

wheels!

2009-08-22T08:08:00.001-07:00

so yesterday started to look for a newish car (slightly used) to replace the death-on-wheels machine i've been tooling around in. so many choices, and it's tough not to get caught up in the whole sales/image thing. a station wagon makes sense, but i balk about being "the suburban mom." in my mind i see myself in a mini cooper (how to cram two kids and one 72-pound black lab is another matter), a pickup truck (heading "West" with nothing but open skies), or a snazzy sports car. strange how our material possessions reflect our personalities, or what we want to convey about ourselves. how to resist it?

free time

2009-08-21T07:28:00.001-07:00

my husband and children have been away for the week. when they pulled out of the driveway i burst into tears, missing them. but confession: after a day, i grew quite used to having the house to myself and the dog. without having to make meals/do laundry/manage kids, i've had tons of time for myself. it's been interesting to see what i've done. instead of rushing off to a zillion art galleries or repainting the kitchen (much less cleaning it) as i thought i might, i've been reading a lot (finally finished anna karenina!), seeing friends, going on bike rides, making yummy suppers i've actually eaten slowly and savored. nothing earth-shattering, but living more deliberatly like this makes me feel lighter and more creative. my challenge is to find that mental real estate when everyone returns tomorrow, full of stories and bags brimming with laundry. how do you carve out time for yourself? do you feel guilty about it?

crazy acts of boundless compassion

2009-08-20T07:20:00.001-07:00

my friend amy just told me an amazing story. she was walking by the east river last weekend when she spotted a cormorant with fishing line tied around its neck. the bird was in great distress. the next thing you know, amy's tracked down a kayak and paddled out with an old knife to free the bird. what makes this story even more amazing is that amy doesn't know how to swim, and the east river has some of the deadliest and strongest currents around. but she went anyway. people were yelling to her from a bridge, the cormorant got under the kayak, but she prevailed and got the string loose. it's completley crazy and irresponsible...but also so admirable. i wonder, what impetuous, out-of-this-world acts have people done to help someone or something?

feelin' pretty

2009-08-18T11:25:00.001-07:00

confession: i want to feel a little more glam these days. lipstick always helps, but for me, confidence and the feeling of being completely and totally loved by the right person reign supreme in terms of feeling and projecting gorgeous.

what makes you feel pretty?

feast your eyes

2009-08-14T05:46:00.001-07:00

don't you think? from lobster and swan.

hat trick

2009-08-14T05:40:00.001-07:00

as in, "why don't you take your hat off and stay awhile?" loving the hat rack over the bed.

lucy

2009-08-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

lucy is a black lab/chow mix i adopted from a shelter 12 years ago when i was single in new york and sharing a cramped rental apartment with my airline stewardess roommate. needless to say, she and i (lucy, not the roommate) have been through a lot together. when i got her, i gave her a ross perot chew toy (he was running for office). fast forward: the two of us are now five, if you include husband and two kids. (that's a photo of lucy pre-wedding, which she was in.) we live in in our own home in connecticut. she and i watched obama give his acceptance speech the night he was elected. and, you got it, we're both getting older, a fact i've studiously ignored, until this week. lucy has started to limp and move very slowly, so today, i took her to the vet for x-rays to find out if she's got a fracture or injury of if it's just old-age setting in. needless to say, i'm incredibly sad because i never believed she'd be anything other than a puppy. i'll pick her up after work, and she'll ride next to me on the front seat of the car, like she always loves to do. maybe we'll take a (slow) walk in the dog park in westport, followed by a trip with the kids to get an ice cream. at 12, she's entitled to a little mint chip every now and then, don 't you think?

the tooth fairy! (and other rites of passage)

2009-08-11T10:01:00.000-07:00

my oldest son lost his first tooth last night! realize this isn't big news to those of you without kids, or those of you who've been through this with your own, but i am blown away. yes, i knew the tooth was coming out. it's been wiggling and twisting in his mouth like a kid on a church pew for days now. but it seems like just yesterday that his first tooth was growing in. anyway, he carefully left the tooth in a "tooth fairy bag" (photo coming soon) that my mom made for him, with a note: "dear tooth fairy, can i keep my first tooth? love, william" and it worked! good old t.f. left the tooth, a morgan dollar, and a note to keep brushing.

another milestone reminding me how fast life is, how we must cherish every day, and mark special milestones with rites of passage, which seem all-too-few in our culture. (maybe it's time to start a few new ones in our family?) but most of all, william's lost tooth reminded me of how good it feels to believe in the possibility of the tooth fairy. and dreams.

what i'm reading

2009-08-10T09:30:00.000-07:00

somehow i never read anna karenina before so i made it my summer project and am almost done. i have to say, it's been a huge surprise: i was expecting a big Love Story, based on the hype. but it's not at all. it's about divorce, the fragility of marriage, the hardships of motherhood, and reality eroding dreams. (it's about other stuff, too: faith, politics, etc.) it's surprisingly modern and rich. makes me wish i had taken a seminar on it in college.

happy weekend

2009-08-07T09:50:00.000-07:00

pasta salad for toni

2009-08-06T06:24:00.000-07:00

do you remember how satisfying it was when you started to cook on your own? my mom let my sister and me "experiment" in the kitchen when we were really young. (i've still got the photo of us covered in flour at ages 3 and 5.) now my 13-year-old niece, toni, needs to bring a pasta salad to a picnic. here's one that might work:

1 cup fusilli
2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1 teaspoon kosher salt or sel de mer
1/2 teaspoon mustard
1 cup of diced mortadella/salami

1 cup diced tomatoes or cherry tomatoes cut in half
1/2 cup chopped parsley leaves
1/3 cup fresh grated Parmesan
freshly ground pepper to taste

cook pasta and drain. let cool. mix oil, lemon juice, salt and mustard then pour "dressing" over pasta and other ingredients. enjoy (but save room for dessert)!

are stores the new museums?

2009-08-04T06:37:00.001-07:00

i've long wondered if stores have become our new museums. is fashion just moveable sculpture? then i read michael kimmelman's thoughtful piece, "how we look at art," in yesterday's new york times. "almost nobody, over the course of that hour or two, paused before any object for as long as a full minute," he writes, noting that in the old days, people digested art slowly. really looked at what they were seeing. today, kimmelman writes, we capture art on the fly, in bits and bytes, on cell phones and digital photos, but don't bother to see it properly. but i wonder if we've become more attuned to looking at stores, to design and fashion, which seem to promise an immediate connection to and reflection of our lives (even if it's aspirational). looking at photos of the british museum and the louis vuitton store display, it's hard to tell commerce from art apart. interesting that the baby "remembers" how to devour art (literally!) in a way kimmelman writes about.

dinner rolls

2009-07-28T12:31:00.001-07:00

i love nigella lawson, with her cheeky encouragement and simple recipies. last night the boys and i feasted on her soft white dinner rolls, which she says are perfect for kids to bake. both boys were too engrossed in legos to participate, but my babysitter and i had fun making them.

you'll need:

3 1/2 - 4 cups all-purpose flour
3 teaspoons (1 envelope) rapid rise, bread machine or other instant yeast
1/2 tablespoon salt
1 tablespoon superfine sugar
1 1/2 cups milk
1 heaped tablespoon butter

mix, let rise a few hours, then shape into small balls. put on pan abotu 1/4 inch apart. coat with mixture of:

egg
teaspoon of milk
pinch of salt

bake at 425 degrees for 15 minutes.
eat as soon as they're cool enough with butter or jam. or both.

inspiration

2009-07-28T10:05:00.000-07:00

i admit it, my creative tank has been empty lately, and i'm in need of an inspiration board.

what inspires you? and how do you stay inspired?

what causes are important to you?

2009-06-16T09:47:00.001-07:00

wow! my friend connie sent an e-mail to a group of her friends about a good Samaritan who bought a soldier lunch, and that led to a spirited exchange (!) about opinions and what things matter to people. the debate with connie & co. makes me wonder what things matter enough to motivate people to actually do something - write a letter, volunteer, make a donation, take a stand -- instead of just talking (or e-mailing) about a particular cause.

as for me? i'm most passionate about providing a good education and safe, loving lives for all of our children and speaking out against violence, in all its forms (domestic, government-sanctioned war, terrorism). what do i do about it? on a personal level, i try to create the peace and opportunity i want for all kids by creating a safe, loving home where my children and their friends are encouraged to be curious and are loved for who they are. on a global, political level i admit i could do far more. but peace and education do get me to write occasional letters to washington. i also support two groups in particular that are devoted to issues that matter to me: save the children and doctors without borders.

what matters to you?

world's uglist birthday cake

2009-06-09T06:07:00.002-07:00

who knew you could buy birthday candles shaped like army tanks?

my son wanted an army-themed birthday, so i made what is hands-down the world's ugliest cake (photos coming). it was pure military-industrial complex on a plate, with soldiers hiding from little diorama trees, guns pointing. never mind that i've spent months practicing making lovely fondant cakes in pleasing colors. never mind that i've taught my children that we pray for peace, pet animals, vote democrat, and "feel the love." the gun thing is encoded on little boys' dna. army is what he wanted. so i made the cake. as i mixed up green and brown camouflage icing, i couldn't help wondering about the pet-me-pony cakes a six-year-old girl might ask for on her birthday. or the dessert cart brimming with miniature pastel-colored cakes at the plaza, where my father used to take me for tea as a special treat when i was a child. in any case, happy birthday, william! you are six, and you are my world. i love you.

world

2009-06-09T06:07:00.001-07:00

yes, please!

2009-05-28T12:30:00.000-07:00

loving these bags from luella. clothes super, too.

clever smart car

2009-05-28T06:12:00.000-07:00

kept seeing these in paris and they've grown on me. how easy would it be to find a parking space! but i wonder: would driving down the highway feel like being in spin cycle?

happy birthday, terah!

2009-05-27T06:16:00.001-07:00

it's my sister's birthday today, and since we're both on either sides of the country, i'm sending her love, love, love and a big wish that someone treats her to a zillion cupcakes!

lost and found

2009-05-27T05:53:00.000-07:00

not sure about you, but i'd love to know the story behind this note posted on foundmagazine.com.

but can you wear them to the supermarket?

2009-05-26T10:11:00.000-07:00

sorry for crazy layout, but the point is, i'm dying for these completly fun and sexy shoes. then reality hits: would i wear them to stop n' shop? when i take the dog to the vet? picking up my kids from playdates? oh, you young, urban lovelies, enjoy it now and wear the most beautiful, insane heels you can! or maybe i should just go for it. what do you think?

memorial day musings

2009-05-25T19:29:00.000-07:00

today the memorial day parade made its way down old post road in my town of fairfield, conn. i watched it with my sons, our dog (outfitted with a red, white, and blue bandana) and thousands of other townspeople cheering floats and marching bands and drum corps and cannons and souped-up cars carrying various parade princesses past white clapboard homes that have stood since the 1700s. it's a dazzling affair, but when the veterans pass by, marching with slow and quiet dignity, i always wonder how we can ever grasp the enormity of what they have given our country. so this memorial day, i turned back to a poem my father memorized as a child and taught me, as it seems to be the most appropriate tribute of all, a way of sharing -- with quiet dignity -- the magnitude of their courage and sacrifice:

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly.

Scarce heard amid the guns below.
We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

-- By Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae

sisters

2009-05-22T09:43:00.000-07:00

my family has scattered like leaves, and for years i haven't seen my step-sister, not since my step-father's funeral. it's never made sense, this leave-taking, since we used to do everything together. (lots of really awful living room productions of grease!) but yesterday she called out of the blue and we saw each other for the first time in over 20 years! we went to the oyster bar in grand central station (my step-dad's favorite stop-over before boarding the commuter train back to the suburbs) and talked and talked. seeing her beautiful, smiling face -- in fact, seeing anyone dear to me who's been absent -- always reintroduces me to myself, and makes me feel just little bit more whole. i wonder, do these suspended fractures happen to other siblings?

perfect cookout

2009-05-21T11:58:00.000-07:00

summer night + barbeque shrimp = heaven!

2 pounds large shrimp, unpeeled
1/2 cup olive oil
1/4 cup tequila
1/4 cup fresh lime juice
2 medium shallots, finely chopped
2 medium garlic cloves, minced
2 teaspoons cumin
salt and freshly ground black pepper

Thread 3 to 4 shrimp on skewers (note: soak bamboo skewers in water first or they'll burst into flames when they're on the grill). Slather with marinade, which is all the other ingredients whisked together. Marinate at least 2 hours. In the interim, invite friends over. Have cocktails. When shrimp's ready, cook for about 2 minutes. Serve with killer guacamole.

paris

2009-05-20T12:15:00.001-07:00

haven't written in a while but have been to paris for four, way-too-short days. i'm greedy. it wasn't enough, and i'm yearning for the beauty of paris and the possibility that travel brings, no matter where it that is our wanderings take us. i left my husband and kids at home for this trip, and though it's ugly to admit, i missed my children but not being a mom or a wife or an employee or all the other quotidian roles i play at home. so here's the stickler: how do we retain our dreams as part of our daily lives instead of living them out and squeezing them into four-day trips? and how am i ever going to learn to make vinagrette and coffee that tastes as divine as the salads and cafe cremes in paris?

on the bright side: found the PERFECT chandelier at the flea market. photos coming soon!

flower power

2009-05-05T07:43:00.001-07:00

i love the spring peonies starting to bloom. think it may be time to plant some more.

state of play

2009-05-04T08:22:00.000-07:00

saw state of play this this weekend, and it made me very homesick for newsrooms. russell crowe reminded me of an older, boozy reporter who told me on my first day at work: "kid, if your mother says she loves you, verify it." now, 20 years later, i've left journalism and am in a ridiculous, mediocre job, wondering why i left a profession i so adored. (can i say, "stupid, stupid, stupid me?" ) makes me determined to encourage my sons to follow their bliss, and guts, no matter what.

spray paint!

2009-05-03T18:42:00.001-07:00

amazing how much SATISFACTION seven cans of white glossy spray paint have given me. used them on the wicker furniture on our porch. never mind that i put off painting it for the past (ah-hem!) three years. i'm loving my "new" furniture, just in time for summer parties!

god and science

2009-04-30T19:46:00.000-07:00

astronauts were asked to assemble the top ten photos from the hubble spacecraft and they are awesome. doesn't this image makes your head spin? i can't help thinking how miraculous it is that this tiny, fleeting earth and its living beings are, well, even here at all. as my wonder at scientific discovery grows (what a photo! how cool!) so, too, does my belief in god.

just because

2009-04-30T10:19:00.001-07:00

this is such a tranquil and lovely photo. and it makes me eager for my hydrangea to blossom.

abc's...

2009-04-28T08:24:00.000-07:00

just spent the morning at my children's montessori school. many of the children are learning to read, and it is amazing to see windows opening to them as jumbles of letters transform into recognizable words. today i hope all children have the opportunity to experience this awakening, this joy. an entreaty to grown-ups: read with a child today.

(re)cycling art. saving planet.

2009-04-23T10:08:00.000-07:00

earth day was yesterday and got me thinking about what else beyond the obvious we can do to help our planet. (i mean, do we really need to be reminded to turn off the lights, walk more, and carry reusable totes to trader joes?) i found inspiration from lisa kokin, who is a genius for recycling discarded objects into quirky, beautiful art.

window of the day

2009-04-21T07:19:00.001-07:00

oh! to have such a profusion of flowers! sadly, it's not my little cottage, but from a gorgeous collection of window photos by QT Luong.

what i'm reading

2009-04-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

this was a gift from my husband, who then had to make do without me on saturday while i devoured this book. it is gorgeous and haunting and as important as alan paton's cry the beloved country or coetzee's waiting for the barbarians.

paris!

2009-04-20T11:45:00.001-07:00

i'm so excited! i'm going to paris next month with a friend. can't wait to break out my rusty french, my nikon, and hit the streets to soaksoaksoak it all up: the museums and tiny galleries, street life, the food. and of course, there's my quest to find the perfect chandelier from les puces.

road trip

2009-04-14T06:05:00.000-07:00

i've never adjusted to life without spring breaks, so taking a few days off to explore, read, and enjoy all-you-can-eat hotel breakfasts.

blue hill at stone barns

2009-04-13T07:59:00.000-07:00

my sons and i celebrated the first day of spring last month with a trip to blue hill at stone barns, one of our most favorite places. after saying hello to the cows and a hike around the gardens, we ate artisinal cheese sandwiches, farm-grown salad, and chocolate brownies at the bhsb outdoor cafe. yum! what a great way to celebrate the (chilly) arrival of the season.

happy weekend

2009-04-10T11:02:00.001-07:00

and happy hunting. may everyone find LOTS of chocolate!

egg-stravaganza

2009-04-09T06:48:00.001-07:00

looking forward to making eggs with the kids and the much-awaited arrival of mr. e.b. bunny this weelend. (photo by maureen shaugnessy)

pastry shop windows

2009-04-08T07:36:00.001-07:00

the french have this fabulous expression, leche la vitrine, or lick the window. being french, it's figurative for drooling after something you see in a window. this photo reminds me of the craving for great pastry and my friend, shirley. she and a group of ladies have been mailing hundreds of boxes of home-made baked goods to soldiers in iraq every wednesday for the past three years. so today, my sons and i will bake brownies, not just for ourselves, but for the soldiers so far from cozy pastry shop windows.

bedroom fantasies

2009-04-07T06:33:00.000-07:00

how fabulous are these bedrooms? they've convinced me i need a chandelier in mine. pronto! (photos from the inspired room. )

rainy monday (with thanks to a.a. milne)

2009-04-06T08:11:00.000-07:00

John had
Great big
Waterproof
Boots on;
John had a
Great big
Waterproof
Hat;
John had a
Great big
Waterproof
Makintosh –
And that
(Said John)
Is that.

- A.A. Milne

window of the day

2009-04-03T06:38:00.000-07:00

oh! to wear such a fabulous hat and watch the world go by. super photo (and hat) by stellahats.

art and the self-sufficient

2009-04-02T08:15:00.001-07:00

there's a super inspirational article in today's new york times about how people prospered during the Depression by using their considerable skills to get by. if there's a bright side to these bumpy times, it's the thought that many of us are learning things our grandparents took for granted -- sewing, cooking, gardening, carpentry -- and in the process, expressing ourselves in ways that leave rich legacies for tomorrow. think about your most treasured heirlooms. for me, they're the sweaters knit by mom (plus her photos she developed in her closet-turned-darkroom!), baby quilts stitched by my sister-in-law, and a hand-embroidered christening gown given by a friend for my sons that's as delicate and light as wild queen anne's lace. all in all, a grand thing to remember when you're sweating the bills. or learning to thread a sewing machine.

comfort food

2009-03-31T08:04:00.000-07:00

for my friend, connie, who is craving rigatoni and invited us to dinner tonight.

Cheesy, hammy, gooey rigatoni:

1/4 lb. ham, sliced thick
1/4 c. Fontina cheese
1/4 c. grated Parmesan cheese
2 tbsp. flour
1/2 lb. rigatoni
1/4 c. dry bread crumbs
1/4 lb. Mozzarella cheese
1/4 cup Provolone cheese
3 tbsp. butter
2 c. milk

Dice the ham. Grate cheese coarsely. In saucepan, melt 2 tablespoons of the butter over low heat. Stir in the flour and cook, stirring frequently, until it bubbles. Whisk in the milk; bring to a boil, stirring constantly and continue to cook for a minute. Stir the ham and the cheeses into sauce. Heat the oven to 375 degrees. Cook rigatoni in boiling salted water until almost done. Drain and mix with sauce. Season to taste with salt and plenty of pepper. Butter a 1 1/2 quarts baking dish and pour in rigatoni. Cover loosely with foil and bake until bubbling, 25 minutes. Remove foil; heat broiler. Melt remaining 1 tablespoon butter and toss in bread crumbs. Scatter crumbs over noodles. Brown the dish in the broiler for about 5 minutes and serve with massive green salad, chianti, and if you've got room, dessert.

ommm...

2009-03-30T12:22:00.000-07:00

having one of those days where my heart and brain are just racingracingracing, and since i don't have a candle handy, thought this might help me wind down.

happy weekend

2009-03-27T12:24:00.001-07:00

this weekend i'm going to take my sweet dog, lucy, for a winter walk on the beach. she's getting old, and moving more slowly (aren't we all), but she perks right up as soon as she smells the salt water.

window of the day

2009-03-24T07:36:00.001-07:00

to do item no. 64

2009-03-24T07:15:00.001-07:00

have yet to see the cherry blossoms in japan, but i have walked around the reservoir in central park under a canopy of pink flowers. not quite the same but still gorgeous.

photo by tirau dan.

think pink

2009-03-19T11:16:00.000-07:00

when you're having a bad day, just think pink. these photographs by yvette inufio do the trick.

what i'm craving

2009-03-18T09:29:00.001-07:00

... is a trip to le marche aux puces de Saint-Ouen, the famous flea market in paris, to find two vintage chandeliers for my study and bedroom. but since i don't work for AIG, i'll settle for... by those nifty swedes at ikea. just $39.99. gotta love it.

what i'm reading

2009-03-18T08:50:00.000-07:00

this book is the most sensuously gorgeous love story, one that affirms the power of art and creativity over hatred and destruction. it's published by europa editions, a tiny powerhouse publisher that seems to have a genius eye for spotting smart, original books that you can't put down.

happy st. paddy's

2009-03-17T12:23:00.001-07:00

... a wish for a bit of irish luck to one and all.

window of the day

2009-03-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

i love this worn-down balcony, which still retains its graceful elegance and, perhaps, memories of grander days. in my dreams, i'd open those blue doors some summery morning, a tray of fresh pain chocolat and cafe au lait in hand, to enjoy breakfast while i watch the world go by.

sweet things

2009-03-12T07:52:00.001-07:00

in anticipation of spring, i bought this sweet bird (and cupcake!) from the super-talented kate wilson. and really, when you think about it, what would the world be like without songbirds or baked goods?

hidden talents

2009-03-10T12:12:00.001-07:00

lately i've been thinking that too many of us conceal our talents, tuck them away, like treasures in a box. in the past week i've met an engineer who decorates cakes with fondant icing, turning them into confection dreams and a friend's contractor, who built a recording studio in his house to write music that he's too shy to play publicly. the mother who carpools my son to soccer is a black belt in karate. another friend writes screenplays at night....an entreaty to all: don't tuck the best parts of yourselves away for safe keeping. blow open that box, rejoice in your talents. share them, and enrich the world.

love and toothpaste

2009-03-06T11:28:00.001-08:00

it hit me last night that practicing love is an artform that should be expressed in small, quotidian gestures: putting toothpaste on the toothbrush for a spouse, fastening the last button on a shirt for a child, making a meal and sharing it with a friend instead of relying on e-mail to suffice. these small, perfect gestures get lost in a blur of deadlines and chaos and commitments. my wish for everyone this weekend is to have time to love deliberately.

oh, and a happy, magnificent, fabulous birthday to theodore.

window of the day

2009-02-16T10:03:00.000-08:00

i love the color and asymmetry of these windows ... visual reminders that life is often most interesting when order gives way to the audaciously haphazard.

happy birthday, charles darwin!

2009-02-12T05:45:00.000-08:00

... and a big shout out to charles darwin, who was born 200 years ago today. in honor of his birthday, a quick pop-quiz for all of you: what was the name of the ship chuck sailed to the galapagos? who was the high school teacher in the 1920s who was charged with illegally teaching evolution? where was darwin born (both town and country, please)? stay-tuned. answers tomorrow.

hatching stars

2009-02-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

finishing up some freelance editing and finally look out my window to a cascade of winter stars that reminds me of a favorite poem by amy nawrocki. so, happy dreams, one and all. i'll leave you with it:

Hatch the next star

I say to the sky, sipping

on the pearly edge

of wonderment. Teach me

the ancient zigzag to map

my own cosmos and

pilot my way to silver

sovereignty.

just one more

2009-02-10T07:05:00.000-08:00

... bit of spring for you, my lovelies. reminds me of the time my friend, amy, used astroturf as carpeting in her apartment, which really was on spring street. looked great. killer on the feet.

grey grey go away...

2009-02-10T06:58:00.000-08:00

it's greygreygrey outside my window today and i need a big spoonful of color pronto! found some relief in this gorgeous photograph by d.s. brennan.

how to make a perfect day*

2009-02-09T07:13:00.000-08:00

wake up parents. jump in their bed. bring dog with you. get tickled. eat waffles for breakfast. with whipped cream. run. play with your brother. run. play with your friends. run. give the dog a bone. run. take a bath. splash! run naked through house. listen to stories. kiss dog good-night. kiss parents. say your prayers. one more sip of water. fall asleep. repeat tomorrow.

*this works for all ages.

window of the day

2009-02-06T06:16:00.000-08:00

what window do you look out of? into? does your gaze sweep over snow-covered fields? gardens? maybe you can peer into a neighbor's apartment. watch a mother playing with her child or well-suited workers conferring over coffeee and documents. windows have always framed my best memories and most cherished places: the duomo outside my hotel window in florence during my honeymoon. a bird's-eye view of yellow taxis making their way into the heart of manhattan. my sons, running in our yard. their gales of laughter rise up to my office, calling me to get up from my desk, look out, and join them.

hello big world

2009-02-05T10:03:00.000-08:00

it's taken too long to dip my toe into cyber-space, but here i am. casting about, trying to figure out how to make this bare-naked page take shape with color and image. stories. song. suppose that's a pretty spot-on way of saying that this is an attempt to identify my own voice, tune out the static, then contribute it, however tentatively, to the robust, joyous chorus of others whose own blogs energize and inspire.